Tuesday, September 15, 2015

10 Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Became a Mom

One of my oldest and dearest friends is pregnant with her first baby and rather than just inundate her with information, I thought I'd inundate you all. Because babies.

I really loved this series of posts from moms all over the blogosphere, and I appreciated what these moms of kids a little older than mine had to say. Hearing what other moms said made me think about what I wish I had known when I was pregnant with my first baby. Not that I'm at all an expert, obviously I'm only 3 years into this. And I really only know about parenting my own kids. I'm sure one day I'll look back on this and think, "Oh Kacie, you were so naive". But as I'm parenting my third child, I'm much more relaxed and wish I was this laid back I had just my first.



1. Get ready for a constant new normal. Not just a new normal that arrives with the arrival with a baby, but one that constantly adjusts as the baby grows. Just as you figure it out, something changes and you have to refigure it out. Adjusting isn't a one time event, its a fluid motion.

2. Having "just one" kid is hard work! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and don't compare yourself to others with more than one. When you have your first child you have a vertical learning curve; you're getting to know your baby and yourself as a parent. Plus, babies are A LOT of work! A whole lot of wonderful but a lot of work too, the way they rely on you for every need and prefer not to sleep as much as you'd like.

3. Its perfectly okay not to enjoy every moment, but do embrace the big picture. The days are long but the years are short as they say. It may feel like forever when you're in the thick of it, but one day you may look back and realize how quickly it has gone.

4. Its okay to not enjoy or be good at parenting every stage of childhood. Children grow. So do we. Child care workers and teachers focus on an age group that they prefer, and it makes sense that in parenting we may enjoy or be better at certain stages than others.

5. When in doubt, choose connection. Connecting with my child, getting close to her and offering her love she won't get elsewhere: that's my job as a mom. When all else fails, get down on their level, wrap your arms around them and tell them you love them.

6. I recently heard someone say, "Don't forget to parent the child you have, not the child you want." Parent towards your child's needs and love them as they are, rather than as you wish that they would be (i.e. less strong willed, smarter, not ADHD etc).

7. Remember that character is what matters in the long term. Parent for the person you want your child to be in the long term future.

8. No matter what choice you make, someone won't like it. And no matter what you choose, some mom will judge you for choosing the opposite of what they chose. Just stay calm and carry on. You can't please everyone, and when it comes to parenting your child, you know best.

9. Trust your mom instinct. Seriously, trust yourself. You're the expert on your child.

10. Two words: Self care. For me, self care is not just about getting a pedicure every few weeks or exercising regularly, but its also taking care of myself on a daily basis (like putting on lipstick, wearing earrings, getting out of yoga pants into jeans that make me feel cute). It may not be those same things for you, but find something that helps you feel like a woman on a daily basis. You may not feel like it but just trust me on this one. It makes a difference.

Have anything to add? What do you wish you had known before you became a parent?



Linked up at the Shine Blog Hop


10 comments:

  1. What great thoughts on parenting! I think this one is my favorite: "Its perfectly okay not to enjoy every moment, but do embrace the big picture." With my first child, I beat myself up a lot for the feelings I was having. With the second, I already knew how difficult it was to be a mommy but also could see the great rewards. Being a mom has been the most overwhelming, yet wonderfully amazing thing I've ever embarked on.

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    1. Hi Candace! Yes, I can totally identify. Hindsight is 20/20, isn't it? People always told me to enjoy every moment, but I really didn't understand what they meant until my daughter turned 3 and I thought, "That happened so quickly!" Its SO overwhelming but SO worth it!

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  2. All of these are great points, but #6 is so key! When we see their child for the unique soul they are, we can help them use their strengths to be their best self, not our vision of what they should be. This is something we need to remember every day!

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    1. You said it so perfectly, "help them use their strengths to be their best self". Because everyone has strengths, even the temperamental 2 year old driving you nuts! Great reminder, thank you!

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  3. This is a fabulous list! I think sometimes we get hung up on the whole idea that we should savor and enjoy every moment of our children's childhood. Personally, I am not a fan of the toddler years. They are crazy, unmanageable and grumpy like 80 percent of the time. It is a time for me to just grin and bear it and then they get older... as long as they survive those years :)

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    1. Oh m gosh yes, you nailed it! "Unmanageable and grumpy 80% of the time"! I thought it was just my household! The 2s are SO challenging for me too but so far I'm really enjoying my 3 year old, although I know a lot of people say thats a really challenging age too. So glad we all can grow and change!

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  4. This is a great post. Motherhood teaches us so much and you have encapsulated some really good lessons here. 'When in doubt, choose connection' is a wonderful piece of advice. I will share this on my Facebook page The Guilt Free Guide To Motherhood. Thank you. Kirsten

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    1. Hi Kirsten, thanks! Will look forward to seeing that! I can't take credit for that one, I heard someone else say it once and it really struck me. Sometimes when my kids are melting down or being a bit difficult, they are just craving connection. And when I give them love we all get through it faster. Hard to remember in the midst of the meltdowns but so essential!

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  5. Great list! I would add "never say never." Before becoming a mom, you always think "I'll never do this, that, or the other..." and then you end up doing some of these things. This is okay. You learn as you go and it's okay to adjust and find what works best for your family.

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    1. Shannon you are so right! How many times did I say, "I'll never parent that way." or "I'll never do THAT when I'm a parent" and then here I am, doing those exact things. You just never know until you're a parent what you'll do or how you'll parent your kid. Thanks for adding this!

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